| BLAH |
[Jul. 21st, 2006|11:35 pm] |
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| | HOME | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
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| | MOVIE | ] |
i suck and thats all i have to say!!!
poo on me!!
Love..
P.s..
ICE AGE ROCKS!!! HEHE! |
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[Jul. 19th, 2006|08:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Hell | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Coheed andCambria- Welcome Home | ] |
oh boy... lets see, where do i begin about this?
ive been writing in a lil journal to him... JAS. i cant help it. i need to get it out and i cant do that to his face nor over the phone or even in a letter. im going to show you an entry..
7/13/o6
9:oo am
I think its time I run
For far away
Find comfort in pain
All pleasures the same it just
Keeps me from trouble
As my true shape
Like Dorian Grey
I've heard what they say
But I'm not here for trouble
Its more than just words
Its just tears and rain.
-James Blunt/ Tears and Rain
Good morning. I hope you slept well. Me? I dont remember. Yep, I'm back in biology. I aced my first test. 94 out of 100. Thats an "A". Well, sort of. Hey! Fuck you buddy! Dont laugh at me! I'm fucking proud of myself! And you kno what?! I'm going to pass this class and graduate whether you have little or no faith in me at all!!
I'm sorry I couldn't help myself cause knowing you, if you ever read this book, you would be laughing at me! Oh well, its okay cause I kno you won't read this book and write back to me. Then why do I keep writing? Maybe its because I have faith. I have faith in you, me, us. I have faith in us and that if i gave this book to you, you would write back to me as I had hoped for these past 2 years now.
9:36 am
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1o:4o am
2 am and I'm still awake writing a song
If I get it all down on paper
Its no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diaries screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them
However you want to.
-Anna Nalick/ Breathe (2am)
My god these fucking humans are soo annoying!! Won't shut the fuck up!!
Wow... I don't kno what to say anymore. I guess I'll talk to you layter. Bies...
11:4o am
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11:32 pm
Well, here I am lying in bed. I didn't have so bad of a nite. Went downtown and watched Anna Nalick perform, that was pretty kick-ass. Dude she is sooo fucking hot!! Whoot, Whoot!! Well, I'm off now! Nyte Nyte!
11:33 pm
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so yea, thats one of them... FUCKING AYE!!! WILL SOMEONE JUST SHOOT ME NOW! I DONT WANA FUCKING DO THIS SHIT ANYMORE!!!! I DONT I DONT I DONT!!!!
Love.. |
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| Dream of the future. |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|10:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none at the moment | ] |
just got back.
i was gone for the nite and had some fun eventhough there was no one there who was near close to my age.
they ended up talking about marriage and who would walk me down the aisle... i said that if it wasnt any blood relative, it would be JOSE.. JAS's dad. he has been more of a father figure to me than anyone ever has been. my mom ended up telling them what JAS's plans were for college... then they said... "you better keep in touch with him, he'll make a good husband someday..." couldnt take it and ran out of the room in tears.
why couldnt i stay faithful?
why couldnt i hold on?
i was alone. atleast thats how i felt when i was here and he was 50 miles away... i didnt kno what to do. i have loved this kid for almost exactly 4 years now. wtf?
my mom tells me.. "you kno if you make an effort, you'll get it all back." but heres the thing, i cant. what i have right now is good... but... still... i do want what i had so long ago back..
we may not kno what the future holds, but atleast we can dream...
Love.. |
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[Jun. 16th, 2006|09:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | You and I/ Michael Buble | ] |
went to gilroy high graduation today. i saw miles, derek, and jason... god i am still soo in love with him. i cant get over him. when i saw him today, i just melted. when we congratulated him, he hugged my mom and then came up to me and gave me a fat ass hug. i hugged him bak just as tight. i didnt wana let him go. and he was just so happy that he finally made it. i told him that i was proud of him and that he made it before i did and he was like, " WHAT!?" and then i explained to him how i didnt pass and how i failed a class and that im goin to graduate in august. he smiled and then said "i dios mio.." and put his hand on my head like he was blessing me and i pushed his hand off my head and said "hey, im gona hurt you!" and he was all like "no, no, plz im sorry.." and hugged me hella tight again. when he was about to leave, he gave another hug and he and i were just talking to eachother while hugging eachother. like i said earlier, i didnt wana let go. i wanted to kiss him on the cheek and just walk away, but i couldnt. instead i said bie, let go and walked away.. didnt look bak cause it was too hard. but while i was hugging him, he told me "ill talk to you layter." he said that 2 years ago, and i believed him. two years past and not a single word from him. when we walked off the field, i started to tear. then i got in the car and my mom had to open her big mouth. that only made it worse. when i got bak into town, i called up derek to see if he was coming up tomorroe and he said he didnt kno, but that if he did that he'll try to get miles to come up with him. i then asked him if he could try to get jason up here as well.. oh boy..
im scared ill make a mistake and regret it once again forever..
Love... |
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| EZ |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|11:08 pm] |
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| | HOME | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | SNOW PATROL/ GRAZED KNEES | ] |
Only save,
try to find another way,
I’m taking what I gave to you again.
Some new day I could understand your face,
you could even hold my hand if you would like to.
It came up unexpected,
I had to follow through
and it’s hard when you were working like you do.
It was easy when you were younger,
you can put it back together,
it was there if you ever wanted it
but you closed the door and said goodbye for good.
So this is a mistake,
try to find a better way,
you were never fond of anything I said.
Can we begin again?
Save it for another friend,
I was happy in my life I won’t pretend,
every time you were expecting to reach out and forgive this,
I was hardened by the look upon your face,
it was easy when you were younger,
you can put it back together,
it was there if you ever wanted it,
but you closed the door and said goodbye for good,
for good…
you were easy
Pete Yorn/EZ |
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[Jun. 14th, 2006|11:41 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mixx of myne | ] |
what to do, what to do??
what did i do to deserve these fucking memories?!
too much i kno. cant get this fucker out of my fucking head. im not going to wish for anything.. if i wish then its just a waste of my breath. i dont wana cry about it anymore, dont wana think about it anymore, dont want to dream about it anymore, dont even want to remember it anymore! but im stuck with it. why? why am i stuck with it and cant let it go? because, he was my first true love, my first true boyfriend, my first true kiss, my first true lover, my first true friend. and i dont care who you are but if you have also had a first love that lasted for so long that you thought you would be together forever and arent with them today then you too kno what im saying. you can never, and i mean NEVER forget your first love.. never.. you will always love them, even if they dont love you back. yea, you may move on to begin a fresh start or you may just stay alone/ single in fear of being hurt or in fear of hurting that new loved one.. it doesnt matter what you do, you will always have them in your heart.
me? yea, i messed up in that relationship, real bad. i only blame myself. i wish... my bad, i said i wouldnt wish for anything.. if only i was stronger, could hold on to him for longer, wouldnt have fucked up everything! but hey, im only human, im not perfect.
right now, im in a relationship, a great one, from time to time. yea, things get rough from time to time, but we still love eachother with such a passion. i love this guy with all my heart, with all my soul, with every breath i take! but then... theres #1 ^^.. he will always have a part of me eventhough it may not be my heart since that is taken.
"Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blind and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind but then I knew it,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I can not live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow."
James Blunt/ Goodbye My Lover
i dont kno...
Love.. |
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| the weekend,... |
[May. 23rd, 2006|08:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Library | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | worried | ] |
| [ | music |
| | She Has No Time- Keane | ] |
well, sat was prom and obviously it wasnt very good. if my 2 best friends didnt get into an arguement with eachother i would have had a kick ass time! im sooo pissed!!! atleast i had my love there by my side to keep me sane and to keep me from killing those 2!
left early cause i had a headache and some fucking retards decided to get high which gave me the headache since i didnt get to eat anything thnx to one of my best friends. what!? he walked off and i had to go after him before the other one found and killed him. found him, talked to him for 20 min, and when i got bak to my table, my plate was gone and everyone looked at me and was like, "omg, you werent done? im sorry." and i wanted to cry right then and there since it couldnt get anymore fucked up. i was wrong. some of my other friends were just going on about the lil arguement and i couldnt take it. i swear to you i went to the restroom and felt like i was gona be sik.
dont get me wrong, i love my friends to death! but when they start talking shit about one another, then that just gets me hurt and sik.
sun..
went to my babys for a while and after that, we went to the festival i was working at. layter on that night i lost it again. what was interpreted to me was something i did N0T want to hear.
mon..
everything was alright. just another typical day at skool. kinda dreaded to see my friends since i left them all on sat but hey.
today-tues..
came to skool and everything was going good.. until break...
one of my friends came up to me and asked me about another friend of ours and then told me that she took off at 3 this morning and nobodies heard from her since, not even her boyfriend! before i came bak to skool, the cops showed up at my house looking for her and asking her if i had sen or talked to her or heard anything other than what i had already heard. i dont kno what ill do if i find out something has happened to her. i just dont kno...
Lexxi |
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